Do you remember way back when when we were hella close?  I dont know if you felt the connection, but I certainly did.  Honestly, I miss you, I miss our friendship, but nowadays it’s really good to hear from you once in a while, it brings back the memories.  Although we both moved on, and you being in a relationship, I still think about the “what ifs”.  What if we didnt get into that silly argument where we didn’t talk for almost half a year? I remember I was so angry with you, that I deleted you on everything, our pictures, our convos, everything.  For a while, I also deleted your number to make me not feel pressured in texting you.  What if I told you straight up about the feelings I was feeling for you at the exact time where I would spend countless hours on the phone with? I know now that we settled and I said my apologies, but you made me stronger and I thank you so much! To be honest, I never done that with any other guy, until this day.  It was only you who showed me that side where people actually make efforts to talk to one another like that.  I like that, I miss that, I wish that I can find someone now who can do the same for me again.  I don’t think that there will be an “us” anytime soon, but thanks for the memories that you shared with me.  Thank you for making me feel special for a while, for hearing about my useless problems when I had some, for making me learn how to trust someone of the opposite sex, and most especially the basic fundamentals of what it’s like to have a long distance relationship.  Until this day, I don’t know what we had, but I know for a fact we were never really “each others”. It’s okay, I understand, I accepted all the things we shared, and I just have to take all of those memories into heart and learn from it right? But thank you so much for making me feel wanted, special, and important for a while.  I guess now it makes me stronger to know that there are other guys out there, and it’s just a matter of waiting for God’s calling. But do you ever think back to what we did?  I still remember that one time we fell asleep on each other, the only time actually, while facetiming and you were snoring like a little baby.  It was quite adorable, haha. Or that one time we were showing each other our handwriting on index cards, making each of us say things such as blah blah blah is cute, haha, oh the days. Until this day, I can’t stop from smiling because it felt so real and exciting.  You would also do the dorkiest things when you had your video conferences and I would just be there, waiting.  oh lord, hahah. Especially the days when we would text each other through out the whole day, having food picture contests! Where I would have you on my phone while I did my homework.  You really did bring happiness to me, especially when you would send me random goodmorning/goodnight messages. How I miss those days so much. I also remember this one time where we semi-first met, and I would pretend I was busy doing something because I was nervous to be with you, just us. I know that it’s different between us now, that it can never come back, but I just want us to be friends again.  I know we say we are, but are we really? I miss your presence, and I mean that as the dearest friend I was when we were close.  I just need someone to be there for me, and there is never a second doubt in my mind that I know you’ll be one of those guys who will always leave a mark in my heart.  In a good way of course because you opened up a new opportunity for me to experience, and it was we had, whatever its called. Out of all people, I guess it was nice that you were the one who showed me this new side of life.  Anyways, Thank You <3

This thing im experiencing, I call this reality.  It’s hard when you put all your efforts out there, to the point you put aside your family, your hard work in school, and you just end up in the bottom of all of this.  Right now I need someone, I need someone by my side.  Going through all of this, I cant handle the pain any longer. I feel like giving up and it’s quite scary.  In my life, I sometimes feel doubt.  No more how hard I try, no matter all the sacrifices I do, it doesnt even manner in the end of the day.  Sometimes it hurts to know that all these negative things are surrounding me everywhere I turn, and I feel as if I cant walk with confidence anymore. I cant do it anymore, and Im on the edge of deciding to keep continuing what I am doing or to just stop.